Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash
Chaos is my closest friend. It stays with me wherever I go and manifests in various situations. It works in magical ways and intends to disrupt my inner being, who tries to settle into the world's pleasures. It shows off with vigour and vitality and reminds me of my inability and my incompetencies whenever I start developing arrogance. It pins me down and shows me the reality.
It works in mysterious ways wanting to change me for good. It causes disruption and havoc for me when I focus on being the bearer yet it tells me that I am the sole standing. It destroys my progress and even tells me that destruction itself is progress and manifests itself subtly in the material reality. It makes me think, makes me reconsider, makes me sharp and smart all while it is destroying me in the background without me noticing. It tells me that I have achieved, I have grasped and I can stand, then it also shows me the flip side of the coin where are odds are 50-50.
It even works in an intimate fashion, sometimes even making me enjoy the process of chaos but sometimes the by-product achieved after such a process is negative and an illusion. It's my foremost change inducer but it never ceases to amaze me. And that is the reason it remains my closest friend.
My chaos is my own, it shows itself in front of me when I see and realizes the acute difference in the thinking patterns between me and my friends and yet it also makes me think that those thinking patterns were my own once, so the difference is none and yet it is there. It causes me to question, pretend and be.
Chaos is my best friend and true enemy at the same time. It is within me so it doesn't want to leave me nor it wants to reveal itself truly for me to get it. Therefore, I accept its subtle existence with reverence and courage, allowing it to destroy me because it itself taught me that destruction is progress. And what more shall I want from the futile existence, but an opportunity to realize my own self, even if it is in tiny proportions?
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